Good thing drinking is legal in the streets of New Orleans. The host city for Super Bowl XLVII has just hit one giant sour note, with Beyoncé announced as the halftime entertainment on February 3, 2013. Pepare the auto-tune! As shrill as girlfriend sounds on record, can you imagine the horror of this woman screeching and howling loud enough to fill a stadium? Ring the alarm, indeed!
Beyoncé has been lying low lately, perhaps because of the public humiliation of naming her kid Blue Ivy Carter. And this actually isn’t her first time at the annual rodeo: In 2004, she caterwauled the National Anthem in her hometown of Houston.
The 2012 Super Bowl halftime show featured Madonna, drawing 114 million viewers—more than the game itself. For 2013, I’m already making plans to flee. My ears don’t take kindly to spewing blood. *