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Crazy Bitch Calls Public Birth Of Baby ‘Art’; I Call It Vile & Vulgar

Posted by Chuck Taylor on October 13, 2011
Posted in: Brooklyn, dumb shit, WTF. 2 Comments

There’s perhaps only one thing more dreadful than squeezing out a newborn baby through a woman’s tiny little kootycat: deciding to share it with the world, live, and daring to call it “art.”

Crazy bitch Marni Kotak, whose previous fine performance works include reenacting the funeral of her grandfather and the first time she had sex, has set up home in Bushwick Brooklyn’s Microscope Gallery, where her “The Birth of Baby X” will allow viewers to watch “the miracle of life” first hand. She’s transformed the space into “home,” including her grandmother’s bed, a rocking chair and inflatable “birthing pool.”

Whoops, I just spit up… so sorry.

Kotak’s loony exhibit will remain open through Nov. 7, during which time she intends to go into labor and share the screaming, potential pooping, blood and afterbirth with a willing audience. First, the woman is obviously out of her mind to believe an act most women would prefer to be drugged for is ripe for shared spectacle. But more so, what kind of fucked-up crackhead would decide that seeing some stranger’s baby crown and pop out of her vagina is appropriate for public consumption? Visitors can even get on a list to be notified when Marni goes into labor. Damn, just spit up again.

Kooky Kotak, who has gotten plenty of publicity for her madness, told The Village Voice, “I hope people see that giving birth, the greatest expression of life, is the highest form of art. This child is the greatest work of art that Jason and I could ever make together.”

I feel much the same about degreasing and cleaning my stove top last night. Next time, you’re all welcome to join me in my kitchen to watch my performance, as I spray, scrub and wipe. If you’re lucky, I’ll even scratch my ass during the process. Profound! Art!

Kotak says she will continue the “performance piece” for the next 18 years via podcast with the follow-up “Raising Baby X,” capturing such precious motherhood moments as diaper changing, her child filing for legal separation from its crazy mama at the age of 5 and subsequent lifetime of psychotherapy and psychotropic medication. I can’t wait!

Incidentally—and significantly—Microscope Gallery is actively reaching out to “collectors, private investors and foundations” to fund the deranged display. Ohhhhhh, so there’s money involved. Well, there you go. That’s truly clever: Collecting cash for something you have to endure anyway is a great way to support the arts, for sure.

Relishing her time in the spotlight, Marni added, “I know it will be challenging, but if people give birth in the completely inhospitable environment of hospitals, hooked up to IVs and monitors and strapped with stirrups into a bed, I can give birth in an art gallery.”

Personally, I believe Kotak should be strapped in a prison cell for objectifying her child and poor husband Jason. That may not be art, but it’s certainly what’s really due.

The Wondrously Grotesquely Opportunistic MJ Tribute Concert!

Posted by Chuck Taylor on October 13, 2011
Posted in: music, pop culture, WTF. 2 Comments

An event as mother fucking bizarre as its namesake… The Michael Jackson Forever Tribute Concert last Saturday—inappropriately staged in the dead center of the MJ manslaughter trial for Doc Conrad Murray—was the musical equivalent of wading through a field of quicksand filled with elephant feces. Man, this was one low-down, stinky affair.

First off, the event, held at the Millennium Stadium in Wales, was endorsed by Mike’s parents, who made a fortune from the four-hour whore-fest of Jackson’s indelible music, attended by 50,000. Mind you, there was also plenty of merch for sale, both at the event and afterward online. Who pockets the booty: dear Katherine and Joe, to ease their mourning, grinning from ear to ear that they continue to cash in on their poor dead kid’s legacy.

While a number family members attended—including Michael’s weirdo kids Paris, Prince and Blanket—Jermaine, Randy and Janet shunned the concert, recognizing how tacky it was to hold the show amid Murray’s trial.

The best performer of the night: Jennifer Hudson… because she had the good sense to back out at the last minute. And the Black Eyed Peas also showed rare restraint—by not performing. (Chris Brown was also supposed to appear, but because of that pesky assault charge, he wasn’t allowed to enter the U.K.)

The good news: That allowed more time for LaToya Jackson, who, at this point, has had more plastic surgery than a full season of Nip/Tuck. Not only is she one scary bitch, but Michael’s younger sis looks more like him with every slice of the knife.

From clips and pics I’ve found, the show opened with Ne-Yo, followed by Leona Lewis and then a wondrously bloated, pregnant Beyonce waddling and puffing via a satellite performance from her local Taco Bell. Host Jamie Foxx brought the shindig down yet another notch, continuing to believe that anyone wants to hear him sing. Also on hand: Smokey Robinson, Cee Lo Green, Alien Ant Farm, Gladys Knight, 3T (Michael’s opportunistic nephews) and Yolanda Adams.

But let’s get to the real goods of the night: Christina Aguilera, who performed “Smile,” an alleged fave of Mike’s. I’m grinning with delectable wickedness, seeing what a disheveled whorish grotesquely jelly-bellied delightful mess Xtina was. Looks like she’s been hanging with Beyonce at Taco Bell… with a flask filled with tequila, no doubt. Mercy sakes alive, this was no tribute to Michael.

If You Can Read This, You Have The Brain Of A Genius

Posted by Chuck Taylor on October 12, 2011
Posted in: cool shit. 2 Comments

Looks like nothing but zig zags, eh? But when you see it larger—as it is below—suddenly there are words. In any case, if you stare at it for more than 30 seconds, your eyes start to dart back and forth. Ouch. I think I just had a minor stroke.

Adele Leads AMA Field With Four Nominations | Airs Nov. 20 On ABC

Posted by Chuck Taylor on October 12, 2011
Posted in: Adele, award shows, music, TV. Leave a comment

All hail Adele! The Brit singer/songwriter leads this year’s nominees for the 39th annual American Music Awards, with nods for Artist of the Year, Favorite Female Artist, Favorite Adult Contemporary Artist and Favorite Album for 21.

Competing with Lady A for 2011 Artist are Lady Gaga, Lil Wayne, Taylor Swift and Katy Perry.

I wonder how big Adele’s hair will be for the awards telecast (ABC Sunday, Nov. 20). Have you noticed that it keeps getting bigger and bigger? Diva, baby, diva!

Other AMA categories include:
Favorite Album: Adele’s 21, Rihanna’s Loud, Lady GaGa’s Born This Way
Favorite Female: Adele, Katy Perry, Lady GaGa.
Favorite Male: Justin Bieber, Bruno Mars, Pitbull.
Favorite Band/Duo/Group: LMFAO, Maroon 5, OneRepublic.

On the other end of the spectrum—waaaay down deep where it smells like fresh cow pies—trainwreck Nicki Minaj demonstrated that despite Adele’s deserved kudos, image over substance maintains a dominant role in popular music.

The squeaky, gimmick-filled horror story competes with fellow acts o’little talent Kanye West and Lil Wayne for Favorite Rap/Hip-Hop Artist and the category’s Favorite Album. Talk about a no-win category…

Happy Wednesday From Abby & Spencer (Damn, They’re Cute)

Posted by Chuck Taylor on October 11, 2011
Posted in: Abby/Spencer. Leave a comment

Smiles, everybody! Happy Wednesday from Abby & Spencer, who were groomed last weekend. Now they’re again sleek and smooth, and oh so fun to nap with—like two warm silk pillows.

Celine Dion’s New Pal Angelina Jolie (Oops, I Just Spit Up A Little)

Posted by Chuck Taylor on October 11, 2011
Posted in: Celine DIon, magazines. Leave a comment

According to OK! magazine, Celine Dion has found a new gal pal in Angelina Jolie, after the latter contacted Celine to record a theme song for her upcoming movie In the Land of Blood and Honey, which Jolie wrote and debuts as director.

The drama explores how a couple’s romance is impacted by the Bosnian War (zzzzzzz!). It stars the wonderfully talented Zana Marjanovic, Goran Kostic and Rade Serbedzija (kidding: Who the fuck are they?). It’s due in U.S. theaters Dec. 23.

No word on whether Celine actually recorded a song for the film, but OK! insists that the two are kindred spirits, because they like kids and charity and shit. Oh, whoops… between this item and the idea of a flick about a war in Bosnia, I nodded off for a minute.

National Coming Out Day | Quote Of The Day

Posted by Chuck Taylor on October 11, 2011
Posted in: gay equality, Gay Pride. Leave a comment

National Coming Out Day | Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

Posted by Chuck Taylor on October 11, 2011
Posted in: gay equality, Gay Pride. Leave a comment

If my nephew can do it at the age of 15 in Lynchburg, Va., then you can, too. It never goes away, it only gets harder… and yes, your mother already knows. Tuesday, Oct. 11, is the internationally recognized National Coming Out Day. If you’re wasting your life in the closet, please love yourself enough to come out. The weather is just fine out here.

Happy Columbus Day: Honoring A True Dumbass

Posted by Chuck Taylor on October 10, 2011
Posted in: dumb shit, holidays. Leave a comment

Columbus Day: Honoring explorer, colonizer and clueless navigator Christopher Columbus’ arrival in the Americas, on Oct. 12, 1492. The dude was actually trying to reach Japan in hopes of becoming rich via the lucrative spice trade, but instead landed in the Bahamas archipelago, which he promptly deemed San Salvador.

Under command of the Catholic Monarchs of Spain, over the course of three more voyages, Chris visited the Greater and Lesser Antilles, and the Caribbean coast of Venezuela and Central America, haplessly claiming them all for the Spanish Empire.

Columbus Day was first observed in Colorado in 1906 and became a national holiday in 1937. In most states, there are parades for some reason, although three states—Hawaii, South Dakota and Alaska—are wise enough to pay it no mind at all. For some reason, it is also celebrated in Latin America, as Dia de la Raza, Discovery Day in the Bahamas, Dia de la Hispanidad in Spain and Dia de las Americas in Uruguay.

Columbus, incidentally, was not the first European explorer to reach the Americas: A Norse expedition led by Leif Ericson, who apparently used a map, preceded Chris. And yet Columbus got credit for the first meaningful European contact with America, since he colonized a shitload of undeclared land.

So let’s acknowledge Columbus Day, in honor of a celebrated dude who was obviously pretty dumb, got lucky and subsequently became famous and rich. Sure enough, he is the epitome of the American dream. Just watch any reality show.

Just Seein’… The Best Of Facebook, Part II

Posted by Chuck Taylor on October 9, 2011
Posted in: cool shit. Leave a comment

More great shakes from the pages of Facebook.

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